Adapting

We probably all know someone who has lost a lot of weight. For awhile after losing the weight, they walk into clothing stores and automatically reach for their old sizes. 

Their brain hasn't adjusted to their new bodies.

This is why I stood in transition staring at all the bikes.

This is why I stared again later, seeing that no bikes had been returned yet.

I haven't adjusted to my new faster self. I know I've gotten really fast. But sometimes, I'm still surprised, no shocked at what I can do.

I haven't shed that old self. I still see people that I think look like athletes (like Fifi), and I don't see myself as one of those fast people.

I know I'm a great swimmer. I know that I'm a strong cyclist. I know that I'm a solid runner. 

But I still don't see myself that way. 

I think it will just take time. After all, I spent years as a back of the pack triathlete. It's only been recently that I've made these huge gains. 

I look at my times. I still shake my head and think "that can't really be MY time". 

In masters, we'll do intervals, and I have to calculate and re-calulate because I can't believe I can swim that fast.

I was recently asked about my bike speeds. I spit out some numbers. The guy said, "Wow. I didn't know you were an elite cyclist."

Me? Elite? No. At least not how I see myself.

When I head out on the course, I always line up in the front on the swim. And THAT took me awhile to do. I finally got fed up with fighting my way through slower swimmers. Whether I believe it or not, my times always mean I'm going to be first or second out of the water. 

When I get to the bike, I always look for any women that beat me out. I don't worry so much about catching them, but I will hunt down the men. I don't really think about my speed. (Hell, I don't even look at speed on my garmin). I just think of hitting my power zones. 

By the time the run rolls around, I can feel myself falling back into my old "slow" mentality. THAT's what I have to break out of. 

Instead of being surprised by my new found speed, I need to remember that I worked for it. I'm here because I worked for it. 

I don't know where this journey is going to take me, but I have a weird feeling that I haven't topped out yet.

That's what I really can't get my mind wrapped around.

I'm not even at my best yet.