I hate it.
I don't like these rules.
I want to be me. I want to be able to take my own risks and not worry what other people think about me.
If I like you, I want you to know.
But I'm not allowed to.
I want to call a friend.
But I'm not allowed to.
I want to email.
But I'm not allowed to.
It makes me crazy.
I just want to say: Hey, how are you? I mean...really....how are you? Yeah, I know you a thousand social media *friends*, but I'm the one that actually cared.
And I'm going to see you.
And I'm not allowed to say anything or do anything. I have to act like it's no big deal. AND I can't do that.
I don't even get the opportunity to say, "I'm sorry for hurting you."
And it tears me apart.
These aren't my rules, but I have to play by them.